Growing up, I had a massive crush on football. My friends and I would spend hours in the backyard pretending we were star players, complete with makeshift uniforms and enthusiastic commentary from imaginary announcers. Every time someone scored a goal or made a great play, we would burst into laughter, and my favorite part was always the jokes that came along with the game. Here are some quips to kick off the fun!
1. Why did the football team go to the bank?
To get their quarterback!
2. What do you call a ghost on a football team?
A trans-fear-er!
3. Why did the football coach go to the perfume store?
To get a good scent for the game!
4. What did the football say to the punter?
I’m going to need a kick in the pants!
5. Why are football players great at math?
Because they know how to tackle problems!
6. What did one football player say to another after scoring?
Let’s kick it up a notch!
7. Why did the football player bring string to the game?
To tie the score!
8. What do you call a football team with no players?
A punter’s paradise!
9. Why won’t football players ever leave their bowl of soup unattended?
Because they don’t want it to get intercepted!
10. What did the assistant coach say to the player who slipped on the field?
I guess you just fell for that one!
11. Why did the referee go broke?
Because he kept throwing flags!
12. What do you call it when a football player goes broke?
A little too much on the line!
13. Why did the football player join the band?
He wanted to improve his rhythm and blues!
14. Why was the football field a great place to play cards?
Because it had a lot of fans!
15. What do you call an offensive lineman who can play the piano?
A true utility player!
16. Why do football players make terrible comedians?
They always fumble the punchlines!
17. What does a football player say at the start of a race?
Let’s take it to the goal line!
18. Why did the football team bring a ladder to the game?
To reach new heights!
19. What do you call a football player who can’t stop telling jokes?
A pun-derback!
20. Why did the touchdown bring a suitcase?
It wanted to travel to new destinations!
Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy you think the game will start?
2. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like to be tackled?
3. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive football and all its jokes!
4. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry! It’s just a game!
5. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce play some football!
6. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You’re welcome for the jokes!
7. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Goalie.
Goalie who?
Goalie you need to try harder!
8. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the tub, I’m drowning in jokes!
9. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yacht.
Yacht who?
Yacht wanna go play football?
10. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad you love football?
11. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up! The game is starting!
12. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Figs.
Figs who?
Figs the game so we can win!
13. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Avery.
Avery who?
Avery great team needs good jokes!
14. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Joe.
Joe who?
Joe to the game or stay home?
15. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peas.
Peas who?
Peas pass the football!
16. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Biscuit.
Biscuit who?
Biscuit it in the end zone!
17. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Waffle.
Waffle who?
Waffle your jokes are so funny!
18. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Beets.
Beets who?
Beets me why football is so awesome!
19. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow way we’re missing this game!
20. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Viking.
Viking who?
Viking to the end zone, here I come!
Player Puns
1. What do you call a football player who can’t stop talking?
A blabberback!
2. Why did the football player bring a pencil to the game?
To draw a play!
3. What do you call a football player who loves to dance?
A touchdown dancer!
4. Why did the football player go to art school?
He wanted to learn how to draw a penalty!
5. What do you call a player who gets tackled by a computer?
A byte-back!
6. Why did the football player sit on the sideline?
He was feeling a little out of bounds!
7. What do you call a potato playing football?
A couch potato!
8. Why did the football player take a break?
He needed to recharge his battery!
9. What do you call a football player who tells jokes?
A punter of humor!
10. Why was the football player such a good gardener?
Because he had a great sense of crop!
11. What do you call a football player who can sing?
A harmony back!
12. Why did the football player bring a suitcase to the game?
He wanted to tackle some baggage!
13. What do you call a lazy football player?
A couch coach!
14. Why did the football player go broke?
He lost his drive!
15. What did the football player say to the waiter?
“I’ll take that with a side of touchdown!”
16. Why did the football player always carry a ladder?
He wanted to reach for the stars!
17. What do you call a football player who loves to cook?
A grillback!
18. Why did the football player bring a map to the game?
To find the end zone!
19. What do you call a football player who loves math?
An equation back!
20. Why did the football player wear a helmet at the bakery?
He was getting ready for a roll!
Game Day Giggles
1. Why did the stadium get so hot?
Because all the fans left!
2. What do you call a football player who loses his temper?
A hothead on the field!
3. Why did the football player bring a broom to the game?
He wanted to sweep the competition!
4. What do you call a football game in outer space?
A touchdown launch!
5. Why was the football team always so calm?
Because they had great field presence!
6. What do you call a football player who can play with a broken arm?
A true pain in the game!
7. Why did the football field get a promotion?
It had excellent play rates!
8. What do you call a pigskin with a sense of humor?
A joke ball!
9. Why did the football team start a band?
They wanted to get a hit record!
10. What do you call a football coach who tells tall tales?
A fibber-football!
11. Why did the football player go to the beach?
He wanted to catch some waves!
12. What do you call a football player who can’t stop singing?
A melody linebacker!
13. How do football players stay cool during the game?
They stand next to the fans!
14. What do you get when you cross a football player with a calculator?
A scorekeeper!
15. Why don’t football players ever get lost?
They always follow the yard markers!
16. What did the football player say to the ocean?
Kick it up a notch, tidal wave!
17. Why did the football team put clocks on the field?
To keep track of timeouts!
18. What do you call a football player who can juggle?
A multi-talented touchdown!
19. Why did the coach bring a pencil to the game?
To draw up some plays!
20. What did one end zone say to the other?
Just checkin’ in on the score!
Silly Soccer Stories
1. Why did the soccer ball go to school?
To get a little more kick in its step!
2. What did the soccer player say to the goalpost?
“Stop blocking my shots!”
3. Why did the soccer team bring string to the match?
To tie the score!
4. How do soccer players keep cool during a game?
They stand next to the fans!
5. Why was the soccer field so wonderful?
Because it was always a goal-oriented place!
6. What do you call a soccer player who tells tall tales?
A goal-digger!
7. Why did the soccer player bring a ladder to the game?
To reach new heights in scoring!
8. What do you call a soccer player with great shoes?
A cleat machine!
9. Why was the soccer ball always having fun?
Because it knew how to roll with the punches!
10. Why did the soccer player break up with his girlfriend?
She kept pushing him to goal too much!
11. What do you call a soccer player who loves math?
A problem solver!
12. Why did the soccer player get kicked off the team?
He wouldn’t stop playing dirty!
13. What did the soccer ball say to the referee?
“Whistle while you work!”
14. Why did the soccer player bring a pencil to practice?
To draw on his skills!
15. What do you call a team of soccer players who tell jokes?
A hilarious header!
16. Why did the soccer player always carry a backpack?
In case he had to carry the team!
17. What did the soccer field say to the players?
“Get your kicks on me!”
18. Why did the soccer player go to the bank?
To check his balance!
19. What’s a soccer player’s favorite game?
Hide and seek—it’s all about the goal!
20. Why was the soccer player considered a hero?
Because he always made the pitch for success!
Referee Riddles
1. Why did the referee break up with their partner?
Because there were too many flags on the play!
2. What do you call a referee who loves music?
A deejay of the game!
3. Why did the referee carry a pencil?
To draw the line at bad calls!
4. What did the referee say to the football team that kept arguing?
“Stop playing the blame game!”
5. Why did the referee go to school?
To improve their decision-making skills!
6. What do referees and detectives have in common?
They both know how to call out a foul play!
7. How does a referee stay calm during a game?
They always keep their whistle handy!
8. Why did the referee bring a suitcase?
They were ready for a long trip down the field!
9. What do you call a referee who loves telling stories?
A whistleblower!
10. Why did the referee refuse to play cards?
They couldn’t handle the “deck” of penalties!
11. What do you call a referee who can keep secrets?
A true whistle-blower!
12. Why did the referee go to the beach?
To catch some waves instead of flags!
13. Why did the referee carry a ladder on the field?
To keep an eye on the high-flying plays!
14. What did the referee say when asked about their job?
“I’m just here to call the shots!”
15. Why did the referee sit on their whistle?
They wanted to blow off some steam!
16. What do you get when you cross a referee with a computer?
A system that can handle all the calls!
17. Why did the referee wear sunglasses?
Because their future was so bright, they needed to be on-point!
18. What did the referee say after a great game?
“That was a real penalty shootout of fun!”
19. Why do referees never play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when they always find the fouls!
20. What did one referee say to the other at the end of the game?
“Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”
Team Spirit Shenanigans
1. Why did the cheerleader bring a ladder to practice?
Because she wanted to reach new heights!
2. What do you call a team of cheerleaders who tell jokes?
The giggle squad!
3. Why did the football fan bring a blanket to the game?
To stay cozy while cheering for their team!
4. What did one fan say to the other at the football game?
“Let’s tackle this game together!”
5. Why was the football jersey so happy?
It felt like it was on top of the world!
6. What do you call a football player who loves to write?
A draft pick!
7. Why did the mascot get a promotion?
They really knew how to rally the crowd!
8. How did the football team celebrate their victory?
With a big game-day feast!
9. Why did the coach bring string to the match?
To tie up the score!
10. What did the football say to the cheering crowd?
“You’re my biggest fans!”
11. Why did the football player bring a mirror to the game?
To reflect on their performance!
12. What’s a cheerleader’s favorite type of music?
Anything with a good beat to cheer to!
13. Why did the team study at the library?
To get their game plan in check!
14. What do you call a group of friends who all support the same football team?
A fan club!
15. Why did the football helmet break up with the shoulder pads?
It felt like it was being sidelined!
16. How do fans keep warm at a football game?
They bring plenty of team spirit!
17. Why was the football team so good at singing?
They had great harmony in the locker room!
18. What did the football say when it made a new friend?
“I’m glad we’re on the same team!”
19. Why did the trophy go to therapy?
It had too much pressure to shine!
20. Why did the football player always carry a pencil?
In case they needed to draw up a new play!
Touchdown Tales
1. Why did the football player bring a suitcase to the end zone?
Because it was time to pack up a victory!
2. What do you call a touchdown that tells jokes?
A pun-derful score!
3. Why did the cheerleader sit on the scoreboard?
She wanted to keep track of the excitement!
4. What did the football say when it heard a great joke?
“That’s a winner!”
5. Why did the football team stay calm during a storm?
They knew how to weather the end zone!
6. What do you call a football player who loves storytelling?
A touchdown tale-spinner!
7. Why did the touchdown bring a friend?
Because it wanted to make it a double play!
8. What did the football coach say to the player who scored a touchdown?
“Don’t let it go to your head—keep your feet on the ground!”
9. How do touchdowns stay in shape?
They always hit the gym—goal after goal!
10. What did the quarterback say to the end zone?
“I’m coming in hot!”
11. Why do touchdowns always celebrate?
Because they know they scored big!
12. How did the touchdown get its name?
It was a “score of perfection”!
13. What do you call a touchdown that loves to dance?
A scoring twirler!
14. Why did the football go to therapy?
It was tired of rolling along without any direction!
15. What do you call it when a touchdown goes to school?
A college pass!
16. Why did the touchdown feel proud?
Because it crossed the line with flying colors!
17. What did the touchdown say to its teammates?
“Let’s bring home the win!”
18. Why did the end zone always invite guests?
Because it loves a good crowd!
19. What’s a touchdown’s favorite kind of music?
Anything that gets the crowd pumped!
20. Why did the touchdown start a blog?
To share all the “score-stories”!
Quarterback Quips
1. Why did the quarterback always bring a pencil to the game?
Because he wanted to draw up some winning plays!
2. What did the quarterback say after scoring a touchdown?
“Thank you, I’ll take a bow!”
3. Why did the quarterback become a gardener?
Because he wanted to learn how to handle the tight ends!
4. How does a quarterback make a decision?
He always goes with his gut feeling—unless it’s a two-minute drill!
5. What do you call a quarterback who loves math?
A prime passer!
6. Why was the quarterback such a great musician?
Because he knew how to handle the tempo on every play!
7. What do you call a quarterback who can sing?
A karaoke back!
8. Why did the quarterback sit on the sideline during practice?
He was trying to “rest his arm” for the big game!
9. How did the quarterback feel about his performance?
He thought it was a snap decision!
10. What did the quarterback say when he fell?
“I guess I just took a dive for the team!”
11. Why did the quarterback join a baking class?
To learn how to whip up some “dough” with his passes!
12. What do you call a quarterback who keeps making bad jokes?
A pun-damental player!
13. Why did the quarterback take up painting?
He wanted to work on his “pass”ionate brush strokes!
14. What did the quarterback say when he got a new playbook?
“I can’t wait to turn the page!”
15. Why did the quarterback always carry a water bottle?
To hydrate before he attenuated those long throws!
16. What do you call a quarterback who loves to travel?
A globe-trotter on the field!
17. Why did the quarterback break up with his girlfriend?
She thought he was always “huddling” too close!
18. What did the quarterback say at the end of the game?
“Let’s take a knee and celebrate!”
19. Why did the quarterback wear sunglasses?
Because his future looked so bright after that last play!
20. How does a quarterback cheer up his teammates?
With a good, old-fashioned pep talk—complete with puns!
Goal-Scoring Gags
1. Why did the soccer player bring a ladder to the game?
Because they wanted to reach the top of the goal!
2. What do you call a soccer player who runs backward?
A retro striker!
3. Why did the soccer ball quit playing?
It was tired of getting kicked around!
4. How does a soccer player keep track of their goals?
With a tally-ho!
5. Why did the soccer team go to the bank?
To get their “goal” checked!
6. What do you call a soccer player who tells tall tales?
A goalkeeper of legends!
7. How does a soccer player stay warm on the field?
They wear a “sweater” for the match!
8. Why don’t soccer players ever get lost?
Because they always follow the right path to the goal!
9. What did the soccer ball say to the referee?
“Whistle while you work!”
10. Why was the soccer player so good at math?
Because they knew how to calculate the angles!
11. What did the coach tell the soccer player who was kicking too hard?
“Don’t be so ‘goal’-driven!”
12. Why did the soccer player join a band?
He wanted to work on his “core” skills!
13. What’s a soccer player’s favorite part of a joke?
The punchline at the goal!
14. Why did the soccer field always stay in shape?
It had great grass roots!
15. What’s a soccer player’s favorite candy?
A goal-digger!
16. How do soccer players celebrate a goal?
With a happy little dance on the pitch!
17. Why did the soccer player bring a pencil to the field?
To draw their winning strategy!
18. What do you call a soccer game played in space?
A “kick-off” of galactic proportions!
19. Why was the soccer player considered the best comedian?
Because they always found the goal of laughter!
20. What do you call a cat who plays soccer?
A purr-fect striker!