Over the years, I’ve found that the simplest jokes often bring the biggest smiles. One time, during a family gathering, I shared a dry joke that seemed to fall flat at first. Everyone stared at me, and I could almost hear the crickets chirping. But just as I was about to move on, my uncle burst out laughing, and soon the whole room was cracking up. It reminded me how clever dry humor can be when you least expect it. Here are some types of dry jokes that are bound to tickle your funny bone!
1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts!
2. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers.
3. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
5. I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
6. I couldn’t figure out why the tennis ball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me!
7. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
8. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
9. I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did.
10. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
11. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
12. I have a fear of elevators, but I’m taking steps to avoid it.
13. What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
14. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He will stop at nothing to avoid them.
15. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
16. I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the nearest bakery.
The pastries were so tempting, I lost track of time!
17. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they always use honeycombs!
18. What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
El-if-ino!
19. I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
20. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
Classic One-Liners
1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised!
2. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
3. What do you call a factory that makes good products?
A satisfactory!
4. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
5. I wasn’t sure how to send a good message, so I just texted, “Keep your chin up!”
I later realized my mistake when I realized I’d written, “Keep your chicken up!”
6. I would tell you a joke about an elevator,
but it’s an uplifting experience.
7. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
8. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!
9. I told my dog he was adopted.
I’m pretty sure he didn’t believe me.
10. Why don’t some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don’t work out!
11. How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
12. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
He made a mint!
13. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up!
14. I’m on a whiskey diet.
I’ve lost three days already!
15. I told my friend 10 jokes about cows, but sadly, they all fell flat.
I guess I should have gone with the beef!
16. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
17. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!
18. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
19. I used to have a fear of hurdles,
but I got over it!
20. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed!
Puns and Wordplay
1. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
2. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
3. I used to run a dating service for chickens,
but I was struggling to make hens meet!
4. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience!
5. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised!
6. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
7. How do you organize a fantastic space party?
You planet!
8. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts!
9. I used to be a baker,
but I couldn’t make enough dough.
10. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
11. What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
12. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
13. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
14. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
15. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity.
It’s impossible to put down!
16. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up!
17. What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
18. I told my computer I needed a break,
and now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers.
19. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
20. I have a fear of elevators,
but I’m taking steps to avoid it.
Observational Humor
1. When I told my friend I was going to start a new hobby, he asked, “What is it?” I said, “Counting clouds.” He replied, “That sounds like a fluffy idea!”
2. I saw a sign that said, “Watch for children.” And I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade!”
3. I walked past a bakery and the aroma made me feel like I was on cloud nine. I guess dough really does rise to meet you!
4. My friend said he doesn’t believe in gravity. I told him, “Just wait until you drop something!”
5. I overheard two elevators discussing life. They said it had its ups and downs!
6. I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made an appointment for next Tuesday. I guess she took that pretty seriously!
7. I went to a seafood disco last week. But I pulled a mussel!
8. I was having trouble deciphering my dog’s bark. He must’ve been saying, “I’m not barking up the wrong tree!”
9. I once knew a guy who was addicted to drinking brake fluid. He said he could stop whenever he wanted!
10. My buddy told me he found a job at a calendar factory, but he got fired for taking a day off!
11. I wanted to take a trip, but I fear I might run into traffic. So instead, I’ll just stay on the road less traveled!
12. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere!
13. I told my daughter not to lean on the car window. She said, “That’s how I roll!”
14. I have a friend who is a computer. He just has trouble with emotional bandwidth!
15. I saw a guy on rollerblades the other day. When I asked him about his skills, he said, “I just glide through life!”
16. My friend asked if I wanted to start a band called “1023MB.” I told him I’d join but only if we could get past the gig!
17. I bought a new thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, but it’s also terrible!
18. I read a report that said someone stole a calendar. They got twelve months!
19. I tried writing a book on reverse psychology, but I can’t seem to get anyone to read it!
20. I went to a game of poker last night and lost my 1,000-dollar shirt! Turns out it didn’t fit the dealer’s style!
Jokes for Every Occasion
1. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
A can’t opener!
2. I used to play hide and seek with my neighbors.
But now I can’t find them!
3. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
4. I’m on a whiskey diet.
I’ve lost three days already!
5. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
6. I told my cat he should be more active.
He said he was purr-fect just the way he is!
7. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go!
8. I wanted to become a professional skateboarder.
But I just couldn’t get a grip!
9. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
10. Have you heard about the cheese factory explosion?
There was nothing left but de-brie!
11. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?
Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans!
12. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Sophisticated!
13. How did the barber win the race?
He knew all the shortcuts!
14. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space!
15. I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I’m OK but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside!
16. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of socks?
In case he got a hole in one!
17. I told my wife about my new role in the upcoming movie.
She said it sounds like a reel bad idea!
18. Have you heard the rumor about butter?
Well, I’m not going to spread it!
19. What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador!
20. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
Quirky Anecdotes
1. I once tried to start a gardening club, but they kept telling me to “leaf”!
2. My friend opened a bakery, and I told him his business would loaf around if he didn’t watch it!
3. I visited a museum where I saw an exhibit about pancakes. It was really flipping amazing!
4. I caught my pet fish in a stolen act. I guess he just wanted a little swim with the fishy business!
5. I proposed to my girlfriend at the airport. I said, “Will you board with me for the long flight of life?”
6. I once went on a diet, but I forgot about the cake. Now I’m just a little crusty around the edges!
7. I asked my computer how it was doing. It replied, “I’m just a bit sluggish; too many tabs open!”
8. The kid next door tried to sell me a box of “invisible” cookies. I said, “I can’t see myself buying those!”
9. I built a model of Mount Rushmore using spaghetti. It was a pasta-tively monumental task!
10. At my last job, they asked for a memo about the coffee supply. I told them, “Brew it up!”
11. I tried to start a pen company, but I couldn’t find a decent write-up for it!
12. I joined a discussion group about hiking. Then, I realized it was all about climbing the mountains of bills!
13. My neighbor hit his head while frolicking through the park. He sure knows how to nut-gain structure!
14. After going to the dentist, I started bragging that I had a “cavity-filling” experience!
15. When I went to the bakery, I asked what was the latest treat. They replied, “It’s all about the dough-nuts nowadays!”
16. I wanted to make a new friend at the library. But every time I approached someone, they kept rushing to “book it”!
17. I got locked out of my house while trying to impress my date. I said it was a security feature!
18. At the zoo, I saw a cheetah reading the newspaper. I asked, “Is that fast news?”
19. I tried to impress my girlfriend while cooking, but I ended up with a real “dishaster”!
20. I once knew a guy who thought he was a kitchen utensil. But he seemed kind of stir-crazy!
Dry Humor in Popular Culture
1. I watched a documentary on how they make rubber bands. It was a stretch!
2. I once attended a meeting about procrastination. But I kept putting it off!
3. My favorite exercise? Running late!
4. I went to a karaoke bar and sang “I Will Survive.” Turns out, so did my singing career!
5. I tried to take a selfie with my coffee. It just wasn’t worth the mug shot!
6. There was a massive competition on the cake walk. The winner took the cake!
7. I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during lunch. It was eggs-traordinary!
8. I started a band with my friends called “1023MB.” We haven’t gotten a gig yet!
9. I joined a cheese club. It was simply grate!
10. After the fire at the circus, I just couldn’t get my head around it. They were really going up in flames!
11. I tried to organize a race between my food. But it was a bit of a slow cook-off!
12. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!
13. I bought a dog that can do magic tricks. It’s a labracadabrador!
14. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised!
15. I once saw a sign that said, “Watch for children.” That sounds like a fair trade!
16. My favorite science teacher was always positive. He just had that electric personality!
17. I called my bank to try and resolve my savings issue. They told me to stop spending on impulse. I said, “I’m just impulse shopping!”
18. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing!
19. I went to a tea party last weekend. It really was steeped in good memories!
20. I tried to act cool during a bike accident. I said, “I can handle a little tumble!”
Jokes for the Office
1. Why did the employee bring a ladder to work?
Because they wanted to reach new heights!
2. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home!
3. I asked my coworker if he wanted to hear a construction joke. He said, “Sure, but I’m still working on it!”
4. Why did the manager go broke?
Because he lost his clerical interests!
5. How do you know when a workplace is serious?
The stapler is the most sought after piece of office equipment!
6. I used to work in an orange juice factory, but I got canned for not concentrating!
7. Did you hear about the office worker who was also a magician? He always made deadlines disappear!
8. I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
9. Why was the computer cold at work?
It left its Windows open!
10. I had a job as a professional cricket player, but I was stumped most of the time!
11. Why don’t programmers like nature?
It has too many bugs!
12. I asked my supervisor if I could work from home. She said, “Sure, but don’t break anything!”
13. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
14. My coworker got a promotion and started acting extra professional. I told him he was wearing his new title too seriously!
15. I told my boss I was working on my time management. He replied, “Then you need to manage your time better!”
16. Did you hear about the man who lost his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn’t concentrate!
17. I started taking communication classes at work, but it turns out they are all just to increase my “talk time”!
18. My computer just won an award for good performance. I guess it really knows how to compute!
19. Why did the employee sit on their clock?
They wanted to be on time!
20. My boss said I should dress for the job I want. So I came in in my pajamas!
How to Tell a Dry Joke
1. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
2. I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh. Sadly, no pun in ten did!
3. Why did the computer go to a doctor?
It had a virus!
4. I once worked at a paper factory, but I got fired for tearing things up!
5. What did the coffee report to the police?
A mugging!
6. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?
He got twelve months!
7. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
8. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
9. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded!
10. How do you feel when you look at a calendar?
Time flies when you’re having fun!
11. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough!
12. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
13. I told my boss I wanted to start a new venture in aromatherapy. He said, “That sounds like a scent-sational idea!”
14. I tried to make a belt out of old watches, but it ended up being a waist of time!
15. My job at the orange juice factory was just too concentrated; I couldn’t squeeze any fun out of it!
16. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose!
17. I asked my boss for a raise, but she said it was out of the question. Guess I have to raise my standards!
18. Why did the employee stay home on Halloween?
He wanted to avoid the boo-tification process!
19. I was invited to an open-minded meeting, but I just couldn’t get my head around it!
20. Why did the computer go to therapy?
It had too many bytes to process!
Conclusion and Final Thoughts
1. I used to have a job as a professional cricket player, but I got stumped one too many times!
2. If I knew you were coming, I’d have baked a cake… but I forgot that oven was broken!
3. Why did the math book look sad?
It had too many problems weighing it down!
4. My friend told me he didn’t understand cloning. I told him, “Just hug yourself a little tighter!”
5. I went to a dance class, but I left early. I realized they were really just trying to tango with my patience!
6. I wanted to be a lawyer, but I found out I didn’t have enough trial experience!
7. Ever notice how most naps can last just as long as a good cup of coffee? It’s all in the timing!
8. My cousin decided to build a garden. I told her it’s about time she got down to earth!
9. Why did I bring a pencil to bed?
Because I wanted to draw my dreams!
10. I tried to catch fog yesterday… Mist is what I got!
11. After I learned to make beer, I thought, “I can brew up some good times!”
12. I asked a librarian if their books were any good. They said, “You just have to turn the page!”
13. I wrote a song about tortillas. It’s a wrap!
14. My computer yelled at me for not refreshing it! Guess it wants me to reboot my direction!
15. I told my brother I was going to marry a tree. He rolled his eyes and said I was seriously branching out!
16. I told my friend to stop impersonating a flamingo. He had to put his foot down!
17. I started a new workout routine. It’s mostly me running out of things to cook!
18. Why was the broom late?
It swept in at the last minute!
19. I decided to go to the gym, but I realized I forgot my “A-game.” So I just lifted my spirits instead!
20. I asked my phone what was wrong. It said it felt drained! Guess it needs a power nap!