Last Christmas, my family and I decided to hold a contest to see who could come up with the best holiday puns. It quickly turned into a festive showdown filled with groans and laughter that, while ridiculous, brought us all closer together. Puns flew fast and furiously, with everyone trying to outdo each other. The spirit of the season was alive as we shared our best and worst jokes, and it became a highlight of our holiday gathering. Here are some pun-tastic jokes to get you in the festive mood!
1. What’s Santa’s favorite type of music?
A rap song!
2. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
It needed to trim its tinsel!
3. What did the gingerbread man use to fix his house?
Cookie dough!
4. Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting?
Because they always drop their needles!
5. How does a snowman get around?
By riding an “icicle”!
6. What do you call a broke Santa?
Saint “Nickel-less”!
7. Why did Frosty get a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a total flake!
8. What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?
Chill out!
9. Why is it always cold at Christmas?
Because it’s December-ber!
10. What do you call a cat on the beach during Christmas?
Sandy Claws!
11. Why did the ornament get knocked off the tree?
It couldn’t handle the pressure!
12. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?
“Looks like rain-deer!”
13. How do you know when Santa’s around?
He’s always “ho-ho-home” for the holidays!
14. Where does Santa go when he gets sick?
To the elf-care center!
15. What do you call a misbehaving Christmas wreath?
A “rebel wreath”!
16. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?
He keeps a log!
17. Why do Christmas trees like to knit?
Because they’re so good at “purling”!
18. What does Santa say when he has to apologize?
I’m “sleighing” sorry!
19. Why did the Christmas lights break up?
There were too many “twists”!
20. What did one Christmas light say to another?
“You light up my life!”
Santa’s Best Bad Jokes
1. Why does Santa go down chimneys on Christmas Eve?
Because it soot’s him!
2. What do you call an elf who sings?
A wrapper!
3. Why did Santa’s helper see the therapist?
He had low “elf” esteem!
4. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Horn-aments!
5. What did Santa say to the smoker?
“Please, don’t puff any sleighs!”
6. How does Santa take care of his sleigh?
He gives it a “sleigh”-ride!
7. What do you call a cat that helps Santa?
Santa Claws!
8. Why did the reindeer cross the road?
To see Santa on the other side!
9. How do reindeer make their decisions?
By “deer”-liberation!
10. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!
11. Why did Rudolph get a bad grade?
Because he didn’t “rein” in his emotions!
12. What’s Santa’s favorite kind of candy?
Jolly Ranchers!
13. What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
14. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A naughty little “pudding”!
15. How does Santa know if you’ve been naughty or nice?
He checks his “list,” twice!
16. Why did Santa fail music class?
He kept getting “Bells” wrong!
17. Why does Santa love gardening?
Because he has a green “thumbs” up!
18. What does Santa do with his clothes when they get dirty?
He “Santa”-izes them!
19. Why did the Christmas cookie go to school?
To get a little “dough-cation”!
20. What kind of cars do elves drive?
Volks-wagon!
Festive Knock-Knock Humor
1. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Snow.
Snow who?
Snow use, I forgot my name!
2. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mary.
Mary who?
Mary Christmas to all!
3. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hatch.
Hatch who?
Bless you—are you catching a cold this Christmas?
4. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you and I miss you this holiday season!
5. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Deck.
Deck who?
Deck the halls with boughs of holly!
6. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream who?
Ice cream for Christmas cookies!
7. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut forget to hang the stockings!
8. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Candy cane.
Candy cane who?
Candy cane I borrow your reindeer?
9. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Holly.
Holly who?
Holly jolly Christmas to everyone!
10. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Caroling.
Caroling who?
Caroling all the way to Santa!
11. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy I get my presents?
12. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fleece.
Fleece who?
Fleece bring me some eggnog!
13. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Rudolph.
Rudolph who?
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, of course!
14. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yuletide.
Yuletide who?
Yuletide me to have a merry little Christmas!
15. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Aisle.
Aisle who?
Aisle be home for Christmas!
16. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry; it’s only a holiday joke!
17. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Reindeer.
Reindeer who?
Reindeer-ing to your favorite holiday tunes!
18. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jingle.
Jingle who?
Jingle all the way, let’s celebrate!
19. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Santa.
Santa who?
Santa help me put up the lights!
20. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wishbone.
Wishbone who?
Wishbone you’re having a wonderful Christmas!
Elfin’ Around with Wordplay
1. Why did the elf put his money in the blender?
Because he wanted to make some liquid assets!
2. What do elves use to take notes?
Their elf-abet!
3. Why did the elf throw a party?
He wanted to have a jolly good time!
4. What do you call an elf who tells jokes?
A funny little elf-ervent!
5. Why did the elf take a nap?
He was “elf”-exhausted!
6. How does an elf stay organized?
With his “elf”-calendar!
7. What’s an elf’s favorite type of shoes?
Pointy-toed shoes, of course!
8. Why did the elf get kicked off the soccer team?
He kept “elf”-ing the ball!
9. What musical instrument do elves prefer?
The “elf” harp!
10. How do elves greet each other?
“Have an elf-tastic day!”
11. What do you call it when an elf sings off key?
Elf-tune!
12. Why are elves so good at school?
Because they’re always in “elf” control!
13. What did the elf say to the baker?
“You knead to sprinkle more magic on those cookies!”
14. How do elves keep their houses warm?
They use elf-lectric blankets!
15. Why did the elf bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
16. What’s an elf’s favorite sport?
Elf-letics!
17. How do you catch an elf?
With elf-traps of course!
18. What do you call an elf who loves to read?
An “elf”-abrary aficionado!
19. Why did the elf start a gardening club?
He wanted to grow his elf-arming skills!
20. What do you get when you cross an elf and a snowman?
Frostbite!
Reindeer Riddles That Jingle
1. What do reindeer use to tell each other secrets?
Deer-phones!
2. How do reindeer stay in shape?
They do lots of “deer-robics”!
3. What did Rudolph say to his friends at the party?
“Let’s get this sleigh on the road!”
4. Why did the reindeer go to school?
To improve his “deer” knowledge!
5. What do reindeer like to eat for lunch?
“Deer”-itos!
6. How does a reindeer solve problems?
With “reindeer”-ing!
7. What do you call a reindeer detective?
Sherlock Hooves!
8. Why don’t reindeer tell each other secrets?
Because they might “moose” it up!
9. What’s a reindeer’s favorite exercise?
“Squat and sleigh”!
10. How do reindeer celebrate Christmas?
With a “jingle” and a jump!
11. What do you call a reindeer who can sing?
Elk-legend!
12. Why did the reindeer join the choir?
He had great “antler”-ation!
13. What’s a reindeer’s favorite winter drink?
“Rudolph-ffee”!
14. How do reindeer send mail?
By “deer”-ive post!
15. Why did the reindeer break up with his girlfriend?
She was too “deer”-manding!
16. What’s a reindeer’s favorite game?
“Reindeer-opoly”!
17. What do you call a reindeer with an attitude?
A “horn”y one!
18. Why did the reindeer become an artist?
He loved to “draw” on his antlers!
19. How did the reindeer feel after winning the race?
“Deer”-lighted!
20. What do reindeer do when they want to relax?
They go “deer”-oaming!
Holiday One-Liners to Share
1. Why did the snowman call for a ride?
Because he was feeling “flaky”!
2. What does a snowman use to make his decisions?
A “chill” factor!
3. Why does Santa love fast food?
Because he can “sleigh” it quickly!
4. How do you know when it’s Christmas in the kitchen?
When you see the “jingle” cookies!
5. What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?
“Bark”-ley’s!
6. Why don’t we ever see Santa in the hospital?
Because he has “elf” care!
7. What did one tree say to the other?
“Lighten up!”
8. Why is Christmas such a favorite time of year?
Because you can “tree” yourself!
9. How does an elf fix a hole in his sock?
With a “stitch” of magic!
10. Why did the Christmas meal break up?
Because it needed some “space” to “roast”!
11. What song does Santa sing when he’s feeling down?
“Don’t Worry, Be ‘Frosty’!”
12. Why did the turkey join the band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
13. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause!
14. Why was the Christmas card so good at keeping secrets?
Because it had a “seal” of approval!
15. What do you call a reindeer that tells jokes?
A “laugh-in-deer”!
16. Why was the Christmas present so excited?
Because it was “wrapped” up in joy!
17. What do you call a cat who loves Christmas?
Clawsome!
18. Where do Christmas trees go to dance?
The “bough” of the ball!
19. Why did Santa start gardening?
Because he wanted to “grow” his own gifts!
20. What type of music do Christmas lights prefer?
“Disco-ball”!
Gag Gifts and Joke Ideas
1. What do you call a present that just can’t stop telling jokes?
A gift of gab!
2. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a dog?
Frostbite!
3. Why did the Christmas tree go to the therapist?
It had trouble letting things go!
4. What do you call a joke that takes a long time to unwrap?
A slow reveal!
5. What kind of gift does a cat like best?
A purr-sonalized one!
6. Why did Santa keep a red pen?
In case he needed to draw the line!
7. What’s a vampire’s least favorite Christmas gift?
A wooden stake!
8. Why did Rudolph get a job at the bakery?
He kneaded the dough!
9. What do you call a poorly wrapped present?
A shabby-chic gift!
10. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
11. Why did the gingerbread man break up with his girlfriend?
She was too crumby!
12. What do you call a Christmas decoration that tells the best jokes?
Joke-lights!
13. Why was the mailbox so popular during the holidays?
It had the best delivery system!
14. What do you get a snowman for Christmas?
Another winter coat!
15. How do snowmen greet each other?
“Ice to meet you!”
16. What do you call the fear of Christmas?
Xmas-phobia!
17. Why did the elf get kicked out of school?
Because he was caught “elf”-ing around!
18. What did one gift say to the other at the party?
“Let’s get wrapped up in the fun!”
19. What do you call a bear that loves Christmas?
A holiday teddy bear!
20. Why did the Christmas cookie go to the party?
Because it was feeling crumbly!
Tree-Mendous Jokes for Kids
1. What did the Christmas tree say to the kid who climbed it?
“You’re really branching out!”
2. Why do Christmas trees like to hang out?
Because they need to keep their “jingle” together!
3. How do you keep your Christmas tree looking fresh?
By giving it a little bit of “tree”-atment!
4. What did the little tree say to the big tree?
“I’m rooting for you!”
5. What do you call a kid who steals Christmas ornaments?
A “bauble”-thief!
6. Why are Christmas trees so good at playing music?
Because they have a lot of “tune”-sils!
7. How does a Christmas tree get in shape?
With plenty of “branch”-es and stretches!
8. What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad?
A “pine”-tastic device!
9. Why did the Christmas tree get a job?
It wanted to stack up some “green”!
10. What do you call a Christmas tree that knows karate?
A “punch”-line tree!
11. Why did the kid want to decorate his math book as a Christmas tree?
Because it needed some “division” of attention!
12. What did the Christmas tree say at the comedy show?
“I’m here for the ‘root’ of all the laughs!”
13. Why do kids love decorating Christmas trees?
Because it’s a real “branch” of creativity!
14. What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite game?
“Hide and ‘tree’-seek”!
15. How do you fix a broken Christmas tree?
With a little “tinsel” glue!
16. What did the tree say to the kid who knocked it over?
“You’ve really “leafed” me hanging!”
17. Why don’t Christmas trees get lost?
Because they always “leaf” a trail of pine needles!
18. What did the light bulb say to the Christmas tree?
“You light up my life!”
19. Why couldn’t the Christmas tree find its way home?
Because it got stuck in the “wood”-lands!
20. What do you call a musical Christmas tree?
A “tree”-ble maker!
Mistletoe Mischief and Laughs
1. What do you call mistletoe that tells jokes?
A “kissing” comedian!
2. Why was the mistletoe always invited to parties?
Because it knew how to “hang out”!
3. What did the mistletoe say to the Christmas tree?
“Leaf me alone if I’m too clingy!”
4. Why doesn’t mistletoe ever get lost?
It always “sticks” to the point!
5. What’s mistletoe’s favorite type of music?
Anything that gets you in the “mood” for kissing!
6. Why did the mistletoe break up with the other plants?
It found them “pining” for attention!
7. How does mistletoe stay positive?
It always “sticks” with its friends!
8. Why did the couple kiss under the mistletoe?
Because it’s a “berry” good idea!
9. What’s mistletoe’s favorite exercise?
Kiss-ups!
10. Why did the mistletoe go to school?
To improve its “hanging” skills!
11. What did one sprig of mistletoe say to the other at the party?
“Let’s make it stick!”
12. Why do people hang mistletoe at Christmas?
Because it’s a great way to “branch” out socially!
13. What’s mistletoe’s favorite type of humor?
Punny jokes that “squeeze” a laugh!
14. Why did the mistletoe apply for a job?
It wanted to be part of the “kissing” culture!
15. What does mistletoe say to motivate friends?
“Let’s hold on together!”
16. Why did the mistletoe get in trouble?
It was caught “kissing and telling”!
17. What’s mistletoe’s favorite holiday beverage?
Persimmon punch—it’s so “berry” good!
18. Why is mistletoe so good at making friends?
Because it always “sticks” around!
19. What did the mistletoe say when it got complimented?
“Thanks, I’m just trying to “leaf” a good impression!”
20. How does mistletoe relax after the holidays?
It takes a break with some “chill time”!
New Year Laughs to End the Season
1. What do you call a snowman on New Year’s Eve?
A “chill”-eberation!
2. Why should you never make a New Year’s resolution with a pencil?
Because it will probably rub off by February!
3. What did the champagne say to the other bottle?
“You crack me up!”
4. Why do New Year’s resolutions always fail?
Because they come with a “timeline”!
5. What’s a ghost’s favorite New Year’s resolution?
To “boo” less!
6. Why do you need a calendar on New Year’s?
To keep track of all your “date” nights!
7. What did one calendar say to the other?
“I’m in my last days!”
8. How do trees prepare for New Year’s?
They “leaf” their old problems behind!
9. Why did the donut break up with the scone on New Year’s?
It found someone “glazier”!
10. What do you call an owl that’s awake on New Year’s Eve?
An “owl”-nighter!
11. How do you know which resolutions will last?
They’re the ones that “stick” around!
12. Why is January the toughest month?
Because it’s full of “resolution” fatigue!
13. What did the clock say at midnight?
“I’m ready to turn the page!”
14. Why do people like New Year’s parties?
Because they are a “blast”!
15. What did the New Year party hat say?
“I’m “topped” with excitement!”
16. Why did the New Year’s Eve countdown fail?
Because it lost track of time!
17. Why was the math book sad on New Year’s?
It had too many “problems” to solve!
18. What is a cat’s favorite New Year’s resolution?
To be “purr-fect” at playing fetch!
19. What do you call a resolution that gets broken?
A “goal” misattempt!
20. Why did the balloon refuse to pop?
It wanted to “inflate” the New Year in style!