Last Wednesday was one of those days where I felt the weight of the week pressing down on me. As I sipped my coffee, I reminisced about some of the funniest jokes I had heard over the years, and a smile crept across my face. I decided that a good laugh was exactly what I needed to get over the midweek hump. With that thought in mind, here are some jokes that are sure to lighten your mood and make your Wednesday a little brighter.
1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
2. What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
3. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts!
4. How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
5. Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems.
6. What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta!
7. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
8. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
9. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
10. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
11. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
12. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
13. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite!
14. I told my computer I needed a break,
Now it won’t stop sending me cookies!
15. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
16. What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
17. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus!
18. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
19. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All of the fans left!
20. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Why Wednesday? The Midweek Magic
21. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
22. What do you call a factory that makes good products?
A satisfactory!
23. Why was the belt arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants!
24. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
25. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
26. Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed!
27. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints!
28. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
Frostbite!
29. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy!
30. What do you call a bear with no ears?
B!
31. How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
32. Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of socks?
In case he got a hole in one!
33. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room!
34. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot!
35. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
36. Why did the farmer win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
37. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
38. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You might think it’s “R,” but it’s the “C” that he loves!
39. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they always use honeycombs!
40. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!
Classic Jokes for a Good Laugh
1. Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
2. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear!
3. Why did the math teacher break up with the calculator?
It couldn’t function!
4. What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
Dam!
5. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose!
6. How did the barber win the race?
He knew all the shortcuts!
7. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
8. What do you call a pile of cats?
A meow-tain!
9. What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A labracadabrador!
10. Why was the broom late?
It swept in!
11. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
12. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall!
13. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
Because they have no body to go with!
14. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
15. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All the fans left!
16. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite!
17. What’s a computer’s favorite snack?
Microchips!
18. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well!
19. How does the ocean say hello?
It waves!
20. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Puns to Brighten Your Day
1. What do you call a factory that makes good products?
A satisfactory!
2. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
3. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
4. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work!
5. What did one hat say to the other?
You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!
6. What do you call fake noodles?
An impasta!
7. Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus!
8. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A maybe!
9. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Supplies!
10. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts!
11. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems!
12. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
13. How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
14. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
15. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
16. Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
It found someone deeper!
17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite!
18. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy!
19. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
20. Why did the farmer win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
Knock-Knock Jokes to Share
1. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!
2. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you and I miss you!
3. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you!
4. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better!
5. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry, it’s just a joke!
6. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You’re welcome!
7. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cereal.
Cereal who?
Cereal-ously, let me in!
8. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Alpaca.
Alpaca who?
Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car!
9. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes a very bad joke!
10. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and answer the door!
11. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Llama.
Llama who?
Llama tell you a joke about doors!
12. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
13. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Wendy.
Wendy who?
Wendy you think we’ll get there?
14. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ice cream.
Ice cream who?
Ice cream every time I see a scary movie!
15. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Howard.
Howard who?
Howard you like to be my friend?
16. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
Butter let me in or I’ll freeze out here!
17. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ya.
Ya who?
I’m glad you asked, I was about to say Yahoo!
18. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Waffle.
Waffle who?
Waffle you waiting for? Open the door!
19. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Juno.
Juno who?
Juno I’m kidding around, right?
20. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Socks.
Socks who?
Socks me, I can’t find my other sock!
Dad Jokes Guaranteed to Amuse
1. What do you call a dad joke that’s gone very wrong?
A faux pas!
2. Why did the dad bring a ladder to the bar?
He heard the drinks were on the house!
3. How do you organize a fantastic space party?
You planet, but make sure to invite only the best dad jokes!
4. Why don’t eggs tell each other secrets?
They might crack up!
5. What did the dad say when he was offered a job as a banker?
I don’t have the interest!
6. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field, just like my dad jokes!
7. What did one eye say to the other eye?
Between you and me, something smells!
8. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go!
9. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together, just like my dad with his DIY projects!
10. Why did the kid bring a pencil to the party?
Because he wanted to draw attention!
11. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Sneakers!
12. Why did the computer show up at work late?
It had a hard drive!
13. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut—classic dad strategy!
14. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work, unlike my dad’s jokes!
15. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta, just like the imposters in dad jokes!
16. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it—perfect for a dad’s party!
17. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one, a dad-level worry!
18. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear—and a reminder that dad jokes don’t bite!
19. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired of dad jokes!
20. What did one Wall Street banker say to the other?
“I’m really invested in this dad joke business!”
Workplace Humor for the Office
1. Why did the employee get fired from the calendar factory?
He took a day off!
2. Why don’t we ever tell secrets on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears!
3. How does a scientist keep track of his employees?
He uses a lab report!
4. Why did the computer get cold?
It left its Windows open!
5. What do you call a worker who can’t stop telling dad jokes?
A pun-derful employee!
6. Why did the banker switch careers?
He lost interest!
7. Why was the employee at the donut shop so happy?
Because he got a raise, and it was a ‘hole’ lot of fun!
8. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
Live stream it!
9. Why was the office printer always so calm?
Because it knew how to handle the pressure!
10. How do you make a tissue dance at work?
Put it in the shredder and let it boogie!
11. Why did the boss bring a pencil to the meeting?
To draw up some plans!
12. What do you call a colleague who’s always working late?
A desk potato!
13. Why did the employee take a ladder to the meeting?
To reach new heights!
14. What’s an office worker’s favorite exercise?
Running late!
15. Why did the coffee file a police report at work?
It got mugged by the new intern!
16. How do you stay warm at the office?
Stand close to the heater, and make a few hot jokes!
17. Why did the manager become a gardener?
Because he had a knack for nurturing growth!
18. Why was the math teacher always calm during work?
Because she had a lot of problems but stayed well balanced!
19. What did the elevator say to its colleague?
I think I’m going up in the world!
20. Why did the HR manager bring string to work?
To tie up loose ends!
Jokes for Kids to Enjoy
1. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school!
2. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!
3. Why did the kid throw his clock out the window?
He wanted to see time fly!
4. What is a cat’s favorite color?
Purrr-ple!
5. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because it was stuffed!
6. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
7. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go!
8. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
9. Why was the broom late?
It swept in!
10. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall!
11. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems!
12. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
13. What did the little corn say to the big corn?
“Where’s popcorn?”
14. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
15. What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
16. Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long!
17. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
18. What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
19. Why did the kid bring a pencil to the party?
Because he wanted to draw some attention!
20. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
One-Liners for Quick Laughs
1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised!
2. I told my dog to play dead, and now he won’t get up!
Guess he took it too seriously!
3. I told my friend 10 jokes to make him laugh.
Sadly, no pun in ten did!
4. I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store.
I heard it’s a great place to get thinner!
5. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet!
6. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
7. A baker stopped making donuts.
He got tired of the hole business!
8. I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.
She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”
9. What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
10. The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran!
11. I’m on a whiskey diet.
I’ve lost three days already!
12. I told my computer I needed a break.
Now it won’t stop sending me cookies!
13. I was struggling to figure out how lightning works…
But then it struck me!
14. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged!
15. I used to play piano by ear.
Now I use my hands!
16. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts!
17. The other day, I held the door open for a clown.
It was a nice jester!
18. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
19. Why was the math book sad?
Because it had too many problems!
20. I named my dog “Five Miles”
So I can say I walk Five Miles every day!
Silly Riddles to Challenge Your Mind
1. What has keys but can’t open locks?
A piano!
2. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?
A stamp!
3. What is full of holes but still holds water?
A sponge!
4. I’m tall when I’m young, and I’m short when I’m old.
What am I? A candle!
5. What begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A teapot!
6. What can you catch but not throw?
A cold!
7. What has a heart that doesn’t beat?
An artichoke!
8. What has legs but doesn’t walk?
A table!
9. What has words but never speaks?
A book!
10. What gets wetter as it dries?
A towel!
11. What has one eye but can’t see?
A needle!
12. What comes down but never goes up?
Rain!
13. What starts with an E, ends with an E, and only contains one letter?
An envelope!
14. What has hands but can’t clap?
A clock!
15. What runs around the yard without moving?
A fence!
16. What gets bigger the more you take away?
A hole!
17. What can be cracked, made, told, and played?
A joke!
18. What is so fragile that saying its name breaks it?
Silence!
19. What belongs to you but others use it more than you do?
Your name!
20. What is always in front of you but can’t be seen?
The future!
Shareable Jokes for Social Media
1. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with!
2. Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere!
3. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!
4. Why was the math book sad?
It had too many problems!
5. Why did the bicycle fall over?
It was two-tired!
6. Want to hear a construction joke?
Sorry, I’m still working on it!
7. How do you organize a space party?
You planet!
8. What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing, it just waved!
9. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!
10. Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long!
11. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese!
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted!
13. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!
14. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
15. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
16. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing!
17. What did one wall say to the other?
I’ll meet you at the corner!
18. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
All of the fans left!
19. Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks!
20. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!