Growing up in a hockey-loving family, our game nights were filled with more than just cheering for our favorite team. They were also about cracking jokes that had everyone in stitches. I remember one night when my aunt tried to butter up my uncle by saying, “Why don’t you ever play hide and seek with a goalie?” and when we all looked puzzled, she replied, “Because they’re always blocking!” Moments like that remind me that laughter is truly a part of the game, just like the slap of sticks and the cheer of the crowd. Here are some hockey jokes that capture that spirit:
1. Why are hockey players such bad bowlers?
They always throw strikes!
2. What do hockey players use for ice fishing?
Their skates, of course!
3. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game?
He wanted to reach the high scoring!
4. What do you call a hockey player who tells jokes?
A punter!
5. Why did the scarecrow become a hockey player?
He was outstanding in his field!
6. Why do hockey players make great musicians?
They’re great at hitting the notes!
7. Why did the coach go to jail?
For getting too many penalties!
8. How do hockey players stay cool during games?
They stand near the fans!
9. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of math?
Goal-ometry!
10. Why are hockey players so good at keeping secrets?
Because they’re great at deflections!
11. What did the ice say to the hockey player?
You’re really skating on thin ice!
12. Why did the golfer bring extra pants?
In case he got a hole in one—oh, wait, wrong sport!
13. Why was the hockey team upset about their restaurant?
Their food was always offside!
14. What do you call someone who steals a pain puck?
A goalie kleptomaniac!
15. How do goalies keep their new homes clean?
They refuse to let anything get past their defenses!
16. Why was the hockey game at the supermarket so popular?
Because it had great big hits!
17. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of music?
Heavy metal—because they love to throw down!
18. Why do hockey players love tea?
They love to take face-offs!
19. How does a hockey player make decisions?
He follows his gut instinct—unless it’s the playoffs!
20. What’s a hockey fan’s favorite exercise?
Jumping to conclusions!
Puns That Slap Hard
1. Why don’t hockey players like playing cards?
Because they always get caught with a full deck!
2. What did the referee say to the stubborn player?
“You need to take a penalty for being so off-side!”
3. Why did the hockey player always carry a pencil?
In case he wanted to draw a penalty!
4. How do you keep a hockey player in suspense?
I’ll tell you after the next period!
5. Why did the puck break up with the stick?
It found someone more supportive!
6. What do you call a hockey player who loves to garden?
A goal-digger!
7. Why did the arena get so hot?
Because all the fans turned up!
8. What’s a hockey coach’s favorite place?
The penalty box, when they need to cool down!
9. How does a hockey player stay in shape?
They always skate to their goals!
10. Why did the crowd bring string to the hockey game?
To tie the score!
11. What’s a hockey player’s favorite dessert?
Ice cream, but only if it’s on the half-pipe!
12. Why did the mascot stop playing hockey?
He kept getting too many penalties for being too animated!
13. What’s a hockey player’s least favorite room?
The penalty box—it’s just too confining!
14. Why was the hockey team so good at math?
They could always count on their goals!
15. What do you call a frozen hockey player?
A popsicle who can really skate!
16. Why did the ice rink bring a towel?
To clean up after all the spills!
17. What did one hockey stick say to the other?
“I’m pretty sure we make a great team!”
18. Why did the hockey player take a ladder to practice?
To reach new heights!
19. What’s a hockey team’s favorite board game?
Goalopoly!
20. Why don’t hockey players ever tell secrets on ice?
Because they’re afraid they’ll get slipped up!
Classic Hockey Jokes
1. Why did the hockey team go to the bakery?
They needed some fresh rolls!
2. What do you call a hockey player who practices archery?
A goal shooter!
3. Why are hockey players great friends?
Because they always pass the puck!
4. How do you know a hockey player is lying?
You can see their lips moving while they tell a tall tale about a “perfect” shot!
5. Why did the player get locked out?
He forgot his key to the zone!
6. What do you call a bad hockey player?
A real puck-up!
7. Why did the music teacher get kicked off the hockey team?
He kept trying to conduct the plays!
8. What’s a hockey player’s favorite element?
Ice-odine!
9. Why did the coach take a pencil to the game?
In case he needed to draw something up!
10. What’s a referee’s favorite type of chocolate?
Whistle-ettes!
11. Why don’t hockey players like tea?
Because they can’t handle the penalties!
12. What’s a hockey fan’s favorite game?
Anything that has a lot of puck-ups!
13. Why did the goalie break up with his girlfriend?
She said he was too defensive!
14. Why was the hockey player a great comedian?
Because he always delivered the punchlines!
15. What did the player say to the ice?
You crack me up!
16. Why was the hockey arena always cold?
The fans were always blowing cool air!
17. Why did the hockey player go to the art show?
To see some good slap shots!
18. What do you get when you cross a hockey player with a skateboarder?
Someone who knows how to flip the puck!
19. Why did the player bring a broom to the rink?
To sweep the competition!
20. How do hockey players greet each other?
With a slap on the back and a “puck yeah!”
Goalie Giggles
1. Why did the goalie bring string to the game?
To tie up the score!
2. What do you call a goalie who likes to tell stories?
A net-teller!
3. How does a goalie stay in shape?
He works on his “block”-ing skills!
4. Why was the goalie so good at math?
Because he knew how to solve for “x”—where the puck would go!
5. What did the goalie say when he won the lottery?
“I’ll take it in pucks, please!”
6. Why did the goalie become a chef?
He was great at making saves in the kitchen!
7. What do goalies like to do at social events?
They love to save the dance floor!
8. Why did the goalie always carry a notebook?
He wanted to record all his shutouts!
9. How do goalies celebrate a big win?
They throw a “save-athon” party!
10. What’s a goalie’s favorite game?
Hide and seek— they always know how to block a shot!
11. Why don’t goalies ever get lost?
They always follow their saves!
12. What do you call a goalie who scores a goal?
A rare sighting!
13. Why did the goalie break up with his partner?
He couldn’t find the right connection!
14. How does a goalie help with the household chores?
He finds every way to block the mess!
15. What did the goalie say after a successful game?
“I really gave it my all—what a save!”
16. Why was the goalie a great leader?
Because he always had the team’s back!
17. What did the ref say to the goalie who was acting up?
“You better calm down, or you’ll get a penalty for misconduct!”
18. Why did the goalie dislike the internet?
Too many unwanted pop-up ads!
19. How do goalies prefer their sandwiches?
With lots of layers, just like their defense!
20. Why are goalies so good at poker?
Because they know how to read the bluff!
Comedic Rivalries
1. Why did the rival teams bring a ladder to the game?
Because they wanted to climb the standings!
2. Why did the two hockey players break up?
They couldn’t find common ice!
3. What did one hockey rival say to the other?
“Let’s make a deal—no fighting, just flopping!”
4. Why don’t hockey fans tell secrets at games?
Because everyone is always eavesdropping for the latest rivalry gossip!
5. Why did the goalie always get lost in the rivalry?
Because he kept being deflected off course!
6. What did the referee say to the players during a brawl?
“Quit horsing around and just stick to hockey!”
7. Why are rival teams like onions?
They both make you cry during the playoffs!
8. Why did the players from opposing teams become friends?
They discovered they had a mutual “puck-er”!
9. What did one rival fan say to another at the bar?
“Buy you a drink? Only if it’s a slapshot special!”
10. What do you call a rivalry that breaks up?
An ice-olated incident!
11. Why did the rival teams hate sharing the same locker room?
Too much tension and not enough room for egos!
12. Why did the player bring a broom to the rivalry game?
To sweep the competition off their feet!
13. How did the two rival players settle their differences?
With a friendly game of table hockey!
14. Why did the rivals refuse to play cards together?
They couldn’t trust each other’s poker faces!
15. What did one rival say when he scored a goal against the other?
“Guess you could say I really ‘pucked’ you up!”
16. Why was the rivalry game always intense?
Because both teams wanted to prove who the real “goal-getters” were!
17. How do hockey rivals play tag?
By trying to “check” each other into the boards!
18. Why did the coaches of rival teams start a band?
They wanted to work on their “harmony” together!
19. What did the excited fan say after their team won against their rival?
“That was a ‘goal’-damn good game!”
20. Why do rival teams never go fishing together?
Because they can’t handle the competition for the biggest catch!
On-Ice Antics
1. What did one ice rink say to the other?
“I’ve seen better performances at a kiddie party!”
2. Why did the hockey player bring a blanket to the rink?
He wanted to stay covered during the game!
3. What was the ice rink’s favorite movie?
“Frozen,” naturally!
4. Why don’t hockey players play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding with all that gear!
5. What did the zamboni say to the ice?
“Let’s have a smooth relationship!”
6. Why did the referee bring a pencil to the game?
To draw a penalty when needed!
7. What do you get when you cross a hockey player with a snowman?
Frostbite!
8. Why was the arena so crowded during the snowstorm?
Everyone wanted to see the ice melt away!
9. Why did the fans bring a ladder?
They wanted a better view of the highs and lows!
10. What do you call a well-behaved ice rink?
A rink that knows how to follow the rules!
11. Why was the hockey stick always calm?
It knew how to handle pressure without breaking!
12. What do hockey players do when they can’t find an opponent?
They just skate around it!
13. What did the ice say to the slippery puck?
“Your moves are too smooth for my liking!”
14. How do hockey players stay warm on the ice?
They bring their own heat to the game!
15. Why did the team get lost in the arena?
They took a wrong turn at the “goal”!
16. Why was the player always nervous?
He was afraid of getting put on ice!
17. How did the zamboni feel after a long day?
Wiped out!
18. Why did the ice rink apply for a job?
It wanted to show it had more “ice-pectations!”
19. What do you call a dessert at a hockey game?
A “goal”-a cake!
20. How did the hockey player feel after the friendly match?
Fully “puck-ed” but happy!
Lighthearted Player Profiles
1. What do you call a player who’s always telling tall tales?
A rink-credible storyteller!
2. Why did the hockey player always bring a pencil to the game?
In case he needed to draw a good play!
3. What did the coach say about the player who couldn’t stop scoring?
“Looks like we have a real goal-getter here!”
4. Why do players love math class?
Because they can always find the right angle!
5. What do you call a hockey player who can sing?
A puck-ular star!
6. Why don’t players ever play hide and seek?
Because good luck hiding when you’re wearing all that gear!
7. What did one player say when he got a penalty?
“Guess I’ll just have to ‘serve’ my time!”
8. How does a hockey player greet his friend?
With a friendly “puck you!”
9. Why was the player a hit at parties?
He always knew how to break the ice!
10. What do you call a retired hockey player who writes novels?
An author-checked!
11. Why did the player get in trouble with his girlfriend?
He kept icing her out!
12. What did the ice rink say when someone slipped?
“That’s just a little ‘ice-capade’!”
13. Why did the mic drop at the hockey game?
The game was just too “puck”in’ good!
14. What do you call a hockey player who loves the beach?
A sand-goalie!
15. Why are players always so fashionable?
They know how to rock the uniform!
16. What did the coach say when he saw a great play?
“That deserves a standing ovation!”
17. How do hockey players stay in touch?
Through their stick-tionary!
18. Why did the player bring a suitcase to practice?
Because he was ready to hit the ice road!
19. What do you call a slow hockey player?
A little too ‘chill’ for the game!
20. Why did the fan bring a ladder to the game?
To see his team reach new heights!
Team Spirit Funnies
1. Why did the hockey fan bring a balloon to the game?
Because he wanted to see his team’s spirits soar!
2. What do you call a group of hockey fans who start a band?
The Ice-Tones!
3. Why was the team’s pep rally so cool?
They had ice cubes in the punch!
4. What do you call a cheerleading squad for a hockey team?
The Ice queens!
5. Why did the hockey fans sit on the roof during the game?
Because they wanted to catch the best overhead views!
6. How do hockey fans communicate in the stands?
With puck-tionary gestures!
7. Why did the hockey mom bring a suitcase to the game?
She was ready to travel all the way to victory!
8. What’s a hockey fan’s favorite way to relax after a game?
With a refreshing ice cold drink!
9. Why did the ice rink start a book club?
To discuss the best “goal”-den stories!
10. How do you know a hockey fan is excited?
They start practicing their victory dance in the stands!
11. Why did the hockey player hug their fans?
From the bottom of their ice-cold hearts!
12. What did the fan say when their team won the championship?
“I’ve never been so ‘ice-spiringly’ happy!”
13. Why did the crowd cheer for the Zamboni driver?
He really knew how to clean up the competition!
14. What do you call a hockey fan’s favorite dessert?
A puck-kake!
15. Why don’t hockey fans write novels?
Because they can’t fit all their epic tales in one game!
16. What do you call a gathering of hockey fans?
A “rink” of friendship!
17. Why did the hockey jersey get invited to all the parties?
It always brings the best “crew” along!
18. What do you call the best-dressed hockey fan?
A fashion “goal-getter”!
19. Why do hockey fans make terrible secret agents?
Because they can’t help but cheer at the most inappropriate times!
20. How does a hockey fan stay organized?
With a puck-tacular planner!
Hockey in Everyday Life
1. Why did the hockey player always bring a ladder to the grocery store?
Because he heard the prices were through the roof!
2. What do you call a hockey fan who helps with chores?
A real crease-taker!
3. Why did the ice cube apply for a job?
It wanted to make a chilling impact!
4. How do hockey players stay in shape at home?
By practicing their “skate and clean” routine!
5. Why did the hockey game get a makeover?
Because it wanted to look “puck-tacular” for its fans!
6. What do you call a home-cooked meal made by a hockey player?
A real “goal-en” feast!
7. Why don’t hockey players take vacations?
Because they can’t handle being off the ice for too long!
8. What did the hockey player say when he decided to eat healthier?
“I’m going to try some new defense!”
9. Why did the hockey fan always get good deals online?
Because they knew how to check out!
10. How does a hockey player unwind after a game?
With a nice hot tea—got to keep those face-off nerves down!
11. What do you call a hockey player’s favorite family gathering?
A “goal” reunion!
12. Why did the hockey team start gardening?
Because they wanted to grow their own ice plants!
13. Why did the hockey player join the gym?
To work on his muscle “puck-tivity”!
14. What did the mom say when her child asked for a hockey-themed birthday party?
“Looks like we’re in for some slapshot fun!”
15. Why did the hockey player bring a map to dinner?
To find the best “goal” location!
16. What do you call a hockey rink that’s always bustling?
A hotspot for puck-tastic gatherings!
17. Why are hockey players skilled at social media?
They always know how to check their followers!
18. How does a hockey player celebrate a great dinner?
With a “cheers” to the home-cooked recipes!
19. Why did the player start a podcast?
To share all the behind-the-scenes “puck” stories!
20. What do you call it when a hockey fan decorates their home for the playoffs?
A “goal”-dren of pride!
Fan Funniest Moments
1. What do you call a fan who can’t stop cheering?
A dedicated “puck”-eteer!
2. Why did the hockey fan bring a suitcase to the game?
They wanted to carry all the excitement home!
3. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of pizza?
A “goal”-dough pizza, topped with all the fixings!
4. Why did the fan cone to the game dressed as a hockey puck?
To make a real “impact” on the ice!
5. Why did the hockey fan study ice fishing?
They wanted to learn all about the “catch of the day!”
6. What’s a hockey fan’s favorite type of story?
A “penalty box” mystery!
7. Why do hockey fans make excellent friends?
They always “stick” together!
8. What did the fan say to describe their team’s comeback?
“That’s what I call a ‘puck’-in’ miracle!”
9. Why was the hockey fan good at math?
They were great at calculating goals scored!
10. What did the ice say when it got complimented?
“I’m just trying to keep it cool!”
11. Why was the fan always calm during a game?
They knew how to “take a shot” at adversity!
12. What do you call a loud fan?
A real “goal”-buster!
13. Why did the hockey fan start a blog?
To share their “puck-tacular” opinions!
14. How do hockey fans celebrate a victory?
With a “goal”-den toast!
15. Why do hockey fans love the weekend?
Because they get to “skate” into fun!
16. What do you call fans who dress alike?
A “matching jersey” crew!
17. Why did the hockey fan open a bakery?
They wanted to serve up some “roll”-ing success!
18. What’s a hockey fan’s ideal vacation?
An ice hotel—perfect for chilling out!
19. Why did the fan tell jokes at the game?
To keep the mood “light” on ice!
20. What did one fan say to another during a close game?
“Let’s keep our spirits high and our pucks sharp!”