During a recent gathering, I found myself surrounded by friends who are always ready for a good laugh, especially when the topic strays into the realm of the gross and absurd. One friend shared a joke so outrageous that it had us all rolling on the floor—in the most delightful way, of course! The laughter reminded me of how humor can be an eclectic mix of the absurd and the risqué, bringing joy and hilarity in unexpected ways. Here are some classic gross jokes that are sure to have you chuckling and maybe even cringing a little.
1. What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other?
“We’re on a roll!”
2. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself?
Because it was two-tired of the bathroom jokes!
3. What do you call a magician in the bathroom?
A wizard with a wand-er.
4. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
5. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot, but it’s still not as funny as a bad bathroom pun!
6. How do you know if a vampire is sick?
He starts coffin!
7. Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because it had no body to go with!
8. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
“Supplies!”
9. Why don’t toilets ever get lost?
Because they always know where they’re going to go!
10. Why did the skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop!
11. What did one eye say to the other eye?
“Between you and me, something smells!”
12. How can you tell if a chef is a good one?
He always has the right thyme for cooking and a dash of humor!
13. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
14. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm, clearly something terrible happened in the bathroom!
15. Why did the hairbrush get kicked out of the party?
Because it kept making a mess of the place!
16. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything—including gross jokes!
17. What do you call a dirty bathroom?
A loo with a view of the mess!
18. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!
19. What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie?
Sofishticated, but still not as classy as a clean bowl!
20. Why did the toilet keep its secrets?
Because it knew how to handle the crap!
Classic Gross Jokes
1. Why did the chicken sit on the egg?
Because it wanted to hatch a really “egg-citing” story!
2. What’s brown and sticky?
A stick, but it can get really “gross” in the mud!
3. Why did the ghost go to the party?
To lift everyone’s spirits, even if it was a bit “haunting!”
4. How do you organize a space party?
You “planet,” just make sure there aren’t any dirty dishes!
5. Why did the mushroom go to the party?
Because he was a fungi, and who doesn’t love a good “gross” pun?
6. What is a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room, it’s just too “alive” for comfort!
7. Why don’t scientists trust stairs?
Because they’re always up to something “sneaky!”
8. What did one wall say to the other wall?
“I’ll meet you at the corner; let’s not make this too ‘stuffy’!”
9. Why did the toilet seat break up with the bathroom?
It found the relationship too “draining!”
10. How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut, but don’t get too “sticky!”
11. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear that’s still a bit “chewy!”
12. Why did the pizza maker go broke?
Because he just couldn’t make enough dough to keep the crumbs under control!
13. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
“Between us, something smells, but let’s keep it between us!”
14. Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack and couldn’t “roll” with it!
15. What do you call a dirty pair of socks?
A gross pair of “stinkers!”
16. Why was the broom late?
It swept in at the last minute, caught up in the “dirt!”
17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite, but it can get a little “cold”!
18. Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged, and the mug was a bit too “grimy!”
19. How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together, but watch out for those “slippery” steps!
20. What’s green and sings?
Elvis Parsley, just don’t let him near your salad!
Bathroom Humor
1. Why did the toilet get rejected from the comedy club?
It couldn’t “flush” out the punchlines!
2. What’s the best part about a bathroom mirror?
It always reflects your true “self!”
3. Why don’t toilets ever lie?
Because they always “drain” the truth!
4. What did the plumber say to the toilet?
“You’re always my ‘number one,’ even in a bad situation!”
5. Why was the toilet so good at poker?
Because it kept a “straight face!”
6. How does a toilet show appreciation?
It gives a hearty “flush!”
7. Why did the soap opera get canceled?
Too many plot “twists” in the bathroom scenes!
8. What did the toilet say after a long day?
“I’m feeling a bit ‘drained’!”
9. How do you keep a plumber in suspense?
I’ll tell you after “the break!”
10. What did the tissue say to the nose?
“Quit blowing it out of proportion!”
11. Why did the bidet start a band?
Because it wanted to bring some “flow” to the music!
12. Why did the rapper go to the bathroom?
To drop a “sick beat!”
13. How can you tell if a poodle is using the bathroom?
Its fur covers the “flushing area!”
14. What do you call a bathroom that plays music?
A “loo-dio!”
15. Why did the toilet seat have such great manners?
Because it always knew when to “hold up!”
16. What do you get when you cross a bathroom with a bakery?
A place where you can “roll” and “rise!”
17. Why did the paper towel break up with the sponge?
It found the relationship too “absorbent!”
18. What’s a bathroom’s favorite type of music?
Anything with a good “drop!”
19. How did the shower feel after dinner?
“Absolutely steamy!”
20. Why didn’t the bathroom ever get in trouble?
Because it always had a good “cover!”
Food-Related Gags
1. Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it saw the salad dressing and couldn’t “ketchup!”
2. What’s a salad’s favorite music genre?
Anything with a good “beet!”
3. Why don’t bananas ever feel lonely?
Because they hang out in bunches, but sometimes they split!
4. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese, but it still brings the flavor!
5. How does a hot dog introduce itself?
“I relish the opportunity to meet you!”
6. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it felt crummy and needed a dough-ctor!
7. How do you make a lemon drop?
Just let it fall, but don’t forget to catch the juice!
8. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta that still tries to be saucy!
9. Why do eggs hide?
Because they’re a little “egg-stra” when it comes to jokes!
10. What did the cupcake say to the frosting?
“You make me feel so sweet!”
11. Why did the chef break up with his girlfriend?
She couldn’t stay “thyme” for him!
12. How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste, but don’t let it get too cheesy!
13. What kind of shoes do bakers wear?
Loafers, but they have a “roll” in the kitchen!
14. Why are ghosts bad at cooking?
Because they always “boo” the recipe!
15. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a little “dill” therapy!
16. What’s a potato’s favorite game?
Mashed potatoes love to “spud” around!
17. What did the pancake say to the syrup?
“Your sweetness is un-flip-able!”
18. How do you organize a dinner party with pasta?
You “cavatappi” together a good plan!
19. What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time, but it makes for a “tasty” conversation!
20. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
Because it ran out of juice but was still trying to wine it all!
Frighteningly Funny
1. Why did the ghost go to the party?
Because he heard it would be “boo”-tifully fun!
2. What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?
A cereal killer, just watching out for the “crunch!”
3. Why did the grave digger get promoted?
He was good at “getting ahead” in his field!
4. What’s a vampire’s favorite dessert?
A blood orange sorbet, it really “sucks” to be sweet!
5. Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin, they keep it “bone-chilling!”
6. What country do zombies come from?
France, because they’re always “brain” dead serious about their fashion!
7. What did the cemetery say to the bet?
“You’re in for a grave surprise!”
8. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the woods?
He “haunts” for directions until he finds his way back!
9. Why don’t mummies take vacations?
Because they can’t unwind, they’re all wrapped up in their responsibilities!
10. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field of fright!
11. What did one grave say to the other?
“Looks like we’ve got some heavy issues to dig into!”
12. How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Just tickle its funny bone, and be prepared for the “rib-tickling!”
13. Why did the ghost bring a ladder to the bar?
Because he heard the drinks were on the house, and he needed a “lift”!
14. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand-witch, but she’s a little salty about her broomstick!
15. Why did the haunted house sell out?
Because the audience was dying for a good scare!
16. What do you get if you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur-midable creature that’s always looking for a “howl-oween” party!
17. How does a brain keep itself in shape?
It just can’t stop working out its “neurons!”
18. Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
He just couldn’t “stomach” the whole biting thing anymore!
19. What do you call an undead with an attitude?
A “sassy” zombie that’s all about the brains!
20. Why do ghosts love parties?
Because they really know how to “lift” your spirits!
Silly Animal Antics
1. Why did the cat sit on the computer?
Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse and show off its “purr-suasion!”
2. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador pulling tricks out of its “paws!”
3. Why don’t fish play piano?
Because you can’t tuna fish, but they love to “scale” the music!
4. What did the parrot say to its owner?
“Polly wants a cracker, but only if it’s not too “crumby!”
5. Why did the elephant never use a computer?
Because it was afraid of the mouse and didn’t want any “byte!”
6. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
Frostbite that’s still warm-hearted!
7. Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks and wanted to “peck” out some tunes!
8. How do owls stay in shape?
They always “wing it” at the gym!
9. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato just hopping around the house!
10. Why did the horse go behind the tree?
To “pee-hee-hee” and take a horsey break!
11. What do you call a bear with no ears?
B, because it’s missing the “ears”!
12. Why did the penguin cross the road?
To get to the other “ice” of the street!
13. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef that’s low to the “pasture!”
14. Why did the goldfish get kicked out of school?
Because it kept “swimming” in the wrong direction!
15. How do bees get to school?
By “buzz” bus, of course!
16. What do you call a cat that throws stuff?
A “purr-veyor” of chaos!
17. Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of “internet size!”
18. What do you call a lazy lion?
A “couch-a-raw!”
19. How do you greet a three-headed monster?
“Howdy, heads!” and hope they don’t have a bad day!
20. Why did the snail paint an “S” on its car?
So when it zooms by, everyone would say, “Look at that s-car-go!”
Inappropriate but Hilarious
1. What do you call a secret agent with a potty mouth?
A “spy-der” who can’t stop dropping F-bombs!
2. How do you confuse a teenager?
Hand them a remote and watch them “channel” their inner freak!
3. Why did the inappropriate joke get kicked out of the party?
Because it crossed the line and couldn’t “punch” up anymore!
4. What’s a comedian’s worst nightmare?
When their punchlines don’t “land,” just like bad jokes!
5. How did the one-liner lose a debate?
It couldn’t “make a case” without getting too bold!
6. Why did the rude parrot get banished from the pet store?
It just wouldn’t stop “squawking” inappropriate comments!
7. How does a comedian stay fit?
By running through the jokes and doing “laugh-burpees!”
8. What did the sarcastic chicken say?
“I’m not egg-cited about being crossed, but whatever!”
9. How did the innuendo apologize?
It said, “I didn’t mean to cross the line, but it slipped out!”
10. Why did the dad joke bring a ladder to the bar?
To reach for the “high-hanging” fruit of humor!
11. What did one inappropriate joke say to the other?
“Let’s not get too vulgar; we might get canceled!”
12. Why did the comedian get in trouble at the roast?
He went “too far” and made them all “grill” him!
13. What’s an inappropriate egg’s favorite game?
“Crack-a-laugh,” always ready to shell out the jokes!
14. Why was the joke about duct tape so popular?
It had a way of “binding” everyone together with laughter!
15. What do you call a shy comedian?
A “punny” fellow waiting for the right moment to spill it!
16. Why did the inappropriate joke sit on a throne?
Because it was a “king of cringe” getting ready to reign!
17. How do you keep a gross joke fresh?
By “canning” it before it turns stale!
18. What do you call a crass joke told at a dinner party?
The one that leaves everyone with “awkward plates!”
19. Why did the funny guy get fired from the bakery?
His humor was too “cheesy” for the breadwinners!
20. What did the punchline say to the setup?
“You’re my ride or die, but remember to stay in the lane!”
One-Liners for Laughs
1. Why did the computer keep freezing?
Because it left its Windows open, but without any “scroll” bars!
2. What did the pencil say to the paper?
“I’m drawn to you, but don’t let our love get too “tacky!”
3. Why don’t scientists trust stairs?
Because they’re always up to something “step-wise!”
4. What did one Wi-Fi router say to the other?
“Can you feel my signal? It’s pretty strong!”
5. Why was the math book sad?
It had too many “problems,” but not all could be solved!
6. How do you organize a space party?
You “planet,” but make sure there’s no gravity to the jokes!
7. What did the smartphone say to the charger?
“I’m totally drained without you; let’s power up!”
8. Why did the guitar get in trouble?
Because it couldn’t string along with the rest of the band!
9. What did the light bulb say to its friend?
“I’m pretty bright; let’s illuminate some humor!”
10. Why did the donut go to the dentist?
Because it had a “hole” in its heart, craving sweet relief!
11. What do you call a bear caught in the rain?
A drizzly “beary” sight that’s still looking fantastic!
12. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was two-tired of the same old jokes!
13. What do you call a fish who practices medicine?
A “tuna” doctor ready to scale up your health!
14. Why did the art thief get caught?
He had a sketchy plan that didn’t add up!
15. What did the cookie do at the comedy show?
It crumbled under pressure, but still managed to chip in laughter!
16. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish, but they have a soft side!
17. What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato that prefers to hop around the couch!
18. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field of bad jokes!
19. What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
“Dam!” it really didn’t see that coming!
20. How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it, but watch it “crumple” under the moves!
Jokes for Your Friends
1. Why did the computer break up with the printer?
It couldn’t cope with the paper jams and decided it needed some “space!”
2. What did one friend say to another at a barbecue?
“Don’t go bacon my heart!”
3. Why did the bicycle fall over at the party?
Because it was two-tired of all the chatter!
4. How do you organize a space-themed party?
You planet, just make sure it doesn’t have a catastrophic “bounce!”
5. What do you call fake spaghetti?
An impasta that always tries to sauce things up!
6. Why did the fisherman break up with his girlfriend?
He found her too “fishy” and couldn’t tackle the relationship!
7. What’s a bear’s favorite dessert?
“Anything with a little honey!” but not too sticky!
8. Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels, and they prefer staying “coastal!”
9. How did the tomato introduce itself at the party?
“I’m kind of a big dill!”
10. Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
He was outstanding in his field of jokes!
11. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer that’s taking a “nap-horn!”
12. Why did the orange stop?
It ran out of juice and couldn’t “peel” away!
13. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
14. Why did the cheese factory explode?
It was too “grate” to handle!
15. What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese, but it’s always ready to stick around!
16. How do you know when the moon is overeating?
When it’s full and just can’t stop glowing!
17. What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump?
A “couch potato” that loves comfort!
18. Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it had the drumsticks and could really “rock the coop!”
19. What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
A depresso that didn’t get its morning kick!
20. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
They don’t have the guts, but they’ll always crack you up!
How to Tell a Gross Joke
1. What’s a comedian’s favorite way to tell a joke?
In a way that really “punches” you in the gut!
2. Why did the chicken cross the road with a joke?
To get to the punchline, of course!
3. How do you know if your joke is too gross?
When even the punchline can’t take a joke!
4. Why should you always deliver a joke smoothly?
Because no one likes a rough “punch” that doesn’t land!
5. What did one joke say to the other?
“Keep it clean, or we might get banned!”
6. How can you tell when a gross joke is delivered well?
When everyone laughs and no one grimaces!
7. Why did the comedian practice in front of the mirror?
To make sure his reflection got the punchlines too!
8. What do you get when you combine humor and grossness?
A gag that really gets to the “core” of comedy!
9. Why should you avoid telling gross jokes at a dull party?
Because you might end up being the only one laughing!
10. What do you call a joke that never gets old?
A timeless jest that always rolls its eyes!
11. Why should you ensure your audience is ready for a gross joke?
Because you don’t want to catch them off guard and leave them speechless!
12. How do you craft the perfect delivery for a gross joke?
Timing is everything; practice makes the punchline precise!
13. What did the audience say when a gross joke went too far?
“That’s crossing the line, buddy!”
14. How do great comedians handle criticism?
They take it with a grain of salt and a whole lot of humor!
15. Why did the joke fail to impress?
It lacked the right amount of wit and a cheeky punch!
16. Why should you tell a gross joke with confidence?
Because the delivery can turn a cringe into a knee-slapper!
17. What do you call it when a gross joke actually makes you laugh?
A wonderfully unexpected twist that tickles your funny bone!
18. What’s the best way to learn how to tell a gross joke?
Watch and learn from the masters who “gross” you out!
19. Why is timing crucial in telling a gross joke?
A moment too late, and the opportunity to laugh is gone!
20. How does a good punchline know when to strike?
It senses the tension in the room and goes for the laugh!