Every Valentine’s Day, my family has a tradition of sharing jokes around the dinner table. One year, my little brother decided to try his hand at being a stand-up comedian, armed with a notebook filled with the cheesiest puns imaginable. As we laughed until our sides hurt, it became clear that nothing brings us together quite like a few good chuckles. This year, let’s keep that spirit alive with some giggle-inducing Valentine’s Day jokes that are sure to please everyone, from kids to grown-ups!
1. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!
2. Why did the man break up with his calculator?
He felt he couldn’t count on her anymore!
3. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring!
4. What do you call a very small Valentine?
A valen-tiny!
5. Why did the skeleton go to the Valentine’s Day dance?
Because he had no body to go with!
6. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?
I’m stuck on you!
7. How did the Valentine’s Day card break up with the envelope?
It didn’t want to be sealed in!
8. What did one piece of meat say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
You’re my beef heart!
9. What do you call a Valentine’s Day monster?
A love-a-saurus!
10. Why was the broom late for Valentine’s Day?
It swept the day away!
11. What do flowers say to each other on Valentine’s Day?
Hey bud!
12. Why did the bee fly into the flower shop?
To get a buzz on Valentine’s Day!
13. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of Valentine’s Day?
Heart-shaped candies!
14. What did the girl toaster say to the boy toaster?
You’re my toast of the town!
15. Why did the cookie cry on Valentine’s Day?
Because it felt crumby!
16. What did the heart say to the brain?
You’re simply the best!
17. What do you call a Valentine who loves cats?
A purr-fect match!
18. Why did the girl bring a ladder to her date?
Because she wanted to reach new heights of love!
19. What’s a ghost’s favorite wine on Valentine’s Day?
Boo-bleu!
20. How do you make a tissue dance on Valentine’s Day?
Put a little boogey in it!
Classic Valentine Kid Jokes
1. What did one lovebird say to the other?
I wing you!
2. Why did Cupid only work part-time?
Because he found his job to be too arrow-gantic!
3. What did the heart say to the other heart?
You crack me up!
4. Why was the book about love so popular?
It had all the right chapters!
5. What do you call a romantic potato?
A sweet potato!
6. How do you know the ocean loves you?
It waves!
7. Why did the girl break up with her calendar?
She felt it was too date-centric!
8. What did the coffee say to its sweetheart?
You’re brew-tiful!
9. How do you fix a broken relationship?
With “tape” and love!
10. What did one Valentine’s Day card say to another?
You’ve got a good heart!
11. Why did the boy give up on dating?
He just couldn’t find the right “match”!
12. What did the farmer give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
Love and crops!
13. What did the fish say when it broke up?
I’m gill-ting you!
14. Why do flowers always drive so fast on Valentine’s Day?
Because they put the petal to the metal!
15. What do you call a romantic cheese?
A cute-bert!
16. Why was the computer cold on Valentine’s Day?
It left its Windows open!
17. What’s a math teacher’s favorite Valentine?
An exponential love!
18. How do monsters show their love?
With a little boo-tiful affection!
19. What did the paperclip say to the pencil?
I’m just a little attached to you!
20. Why did the chocolate break up with the strawberry?
It thought it was being too fruity!
Pun-tastic Love Lines
1. What did one star say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
You light up my life!
2. How does a scientist propose?
He gives her a chemistry set – it’s a reaction!
3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because it was already stuffed!
4. What do you call a love letter written in the bathroom?
A loo-mantic note!
5. What did the fire say to the flame?
You’re my spark of love!
6. Why do birds make great Valentine’s Day buddies?
Because they always wing it together!
7. What did the bicycle say to his girlfriend?
I wheelie like you!
8. How did the history teacher teach about love?
By discussing the importance of a great date!
9. Why did the heart break up with the brain?
Because it found someone more his type!
10. What do you call a duck on Valentine’s Day?
A lucky quack!
11. What did the computer do on Valentine’s Day?
It byte-d its true love!
12. How do you help a flower on Valentine’s Day?
You give it a little water and your heart!
13. Why is Valentine’s Day so popular at the gym?
Because everyone’s working on their love handles!
14. What did the cupcake say to the frosting?
You make me feel so sweet!
15. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
It had to wine down for love!
16. What do you call an affectionate monster?
A cuddle-phant!
17. Why did the photo break up with the frame?
It couldn’t find its focus!
18. What do you say to a cat on Valentine’s Day?
You’re purr-fect for me!
19. How do trees express their love?
They give each other hugs with their branches!
20. What did the ship say to its partner?
I’m harboring feelings for you!
Sweetheart Riddles for Kids
1. What has hearts and flowers but can’t make a sound?
A Valentine’s Day card!
2. What do you call a cat that loves Valentine’s Day?
A purr-amour!
3. Why did the pencil break up with the ruler?
It couldn’t handle the tension!
4. Why did the heart go to school?
To get a little bit more love-ledge!
5. What do you call a Valentine that tells jokes?
A pun-derful sweetheart!
6. How did the Valentine cheerleader get in shape?
She practiced her love jumps!
7. What did one magnet say to another on Valentine’s Day?
I find you attractive!
8. What do you call a romantic fish?
A catch of the day!
9. Why didn’t the skeleton get any Valentine’s Day cards?
Because he had no body to love!
10. What do you call a Valentine’s message delivered by a snail?
A slow love note!
11. How do you organize a fantastic Valentine’s party?
You planet!
12. Why did the girl bring a pencil to her date?
She wanted to draw closer!
13. What did the calculator say to its partner?
You can count on me!
14. What do you call a couple of birds in love?
Tweethearts!
15. Why did the computer break up with its girlfriend?
There were too many bytes in the relationship!
16. What did the girl lemon say to the boy lemon?
You’re one in a zesty million!
17. What do you call an affectionate snowman?
A flurry of love!
18. Why do bicycles make terrible valentines?
Because they’re always two-tired!
19. How does a flower greet its friends on Valentine’s Day?
With a blooming smile!
20. What did the octopus say to its sweetheart?
I’m hooked on you!
Animal-themed Valentine Jokes
1. What do you call a bear with a romantic interest?
A cuddly bear!
2. Why did the cat sit on the computer?
Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse for Valentine’s Day!
3. What do you call a rabbit who tells jokes?
A funny bunny!
4. Why did the giraffe break up with its partner?
It couldn’t handle the long-distance relationship!
5. What did the dolphin say to its Valentine?
You’re porpoise-fully mine!
6. How do bees get married?
They found their honey in a buzz-tastic way!
7. What do you call a Valentine’s card written by a dog?
A paw-sitive message!
8. Why did the chicken cross the road on Valentine’s Day?
To get to its special some-bun!
9. What do you call a cat that loves Valentine’s Day?
A purr-fect match!
10. Why did the dog give his girlfriend a bone?
Because she was his bone-fide love!
11. How do you know if a cat is in love?
It starts purring with affection!
12. What did the fish say to its soulmate?
You’re my fin-tastic catch!
13. Why do elephants never forget on Valentine’s Day?
Because they always remember to share the love!
14. What did the penguin say to his Valentine?
You’re ice-solutely amazing!
15. How did the octopus propose?
With all eight arms around its sweetheart!
16. Why was the horse so happy on Valentine’s Day?
Because it was finally going to get a stable relationship!
17. What do you call a snake that has a crush?
A love-sssss!
18. Why did the owl get a Valentine?
Because it was a hoot to be around!
19. What did the parrot say to its crush?
I’m beak-ly in love with you!
20. Why did the goldfish break up?
Because it found someone more gill-ted!
Funny Food-related Love Jokes
1. What did one pizza say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
I topping you!
2. How do you organize a romantic dinner?
With a food and wine “pairing”!
3. Why was the chef so enthusiastic about love?
Because he always followed his heart when cooking!
4. What do you call a chocolate that tells great stories?
A sweet-teller!
5. Why do bananas go to the doctor on Valentine’s Day?
Because they aren’t peeling well!
6. What did the grape say to the raisin?
I love you just the way you are!
7. Why did the hamburger go to the gym?
To get better buns for the big date!
8. What do you call a cute pancake?
A flapjack of love!
9. Why did the strawberry break up with the banana?
Because it found someone berry special!
10. What did the love-struck cookie say?
You’re one smart cookie!
11. What do you call a loving potato?
A sweet tater!
12. Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
It saw someone who was apple-solutely charming!
13. How do you make a lemon smile on Valentine’s Day?
Give it a squeeze of affection!
14. What did the cupcake say to the cake?
You’re icing on my heart!
15. Why do chefs make great partners?
Because they always know how to spice things up!
16. What do you call a romantic pastry?
A love tart!
17. How do jellybeans flirt?
With a little sugar and sweetness!
18. Why do chocolates always get invited to parties?
Because they’re delightful company!
19. What did the sushi say to its partner?
I’m soy into you!
20. Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing on Valentine’s Day!
Silly Valentine Knock-Knock Jokes
1. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Valentine.
Valentine who?
Valentine, you’re the one I love!
2. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you and I miss you!
3. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honeydew.
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you know how much I love you?
4. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cocoa.
Cocoa who?
Cocoa-nuts for you this Valentine’s Day!
5. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Beets.
Beets who?
Beets me, but I love you!
6. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peas.
Peas who?
Peas be my Valentine!
7. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Berry.
Berry who?
Berry glad I met you!
8. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
Butter believe I’m yours forever!
9. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Mint.
Mint who?
Mint to be yours!
10. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Candy.
Candy who?
Candy you believe how much I love you?
11. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Sugar.
Sugar who?
Sugar my heart is yours!
12. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Choco.
Choco who?
Choco-late I love you!
13. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pasta.
Pasta who?
Pasta few more hugs, please!
14. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Taco.
Taco who?
Taco ’bout how much I care!
15. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jam.
Jam who?
Jam up my heart with love!
16. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yam.
Yam who?
Yam so glad you’re my Valentine!
17. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Romaine.
Romaine who?
Romaine calm, I love you!
18. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Egg.
Egg who?
Egg-cited to be your Valentine!
19. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
Walnut you be mine?
20. Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Apricot.
Apricot who?
Apricot your love every day!
Love and Friendship Jokes
1. Why did the paper clip invite the stapler to the party?
Because they were such a close-knit team!
2. What did one Valentine’s Day card say to another?
You’re a cut above the rest!
3. Why did the balloon break up with the string?
It felt too tied down!
4. What did the rug say to the floor?
You’ve got me covered with love!
5. What do you call a Valentine’s card that can sing?
A musical heart!
6. How do friends on a diet get through Valentine’s Day?
They stick together through thick and thin!
7. What do you call two friends who love each other dramatically?
A couple of love-birds!
8. How do hugs make you feel?
Like you’re really “held” together!
9. Why did the pencil break up with the eraser?
Because it couldn’t handle its mistakes!
10. What do you call a cheerful friend?
A smile-mate!
11. Why did the crab never share its food?
Because it was a little shellfish about love!
12. What did the light bulb say to the switch?
You turn me on in every way!
13. Why do friends never tell secrets in a cornfield?
Because they’re too busy ear-ting each other!
14. What did the root vegetable say to its friend?
We’ve got to stick together through thick and thin!
15. Why did the cupcake choose to be friends with the muffin?
Because they both loved to rise to the occasion!
16. What do you call a group of friends who play music together?
A harmonious squad!
17. Why did the clouds break up?
They were under too much pressure!
18. What did the mirror say to the best friend?
I can always see your true reflection!
19. Why did the sock fall in love?
It found its perfect match in the drawer!
20. What did the rainbow say to the sky?
Thanks for always brightening my day!
Jokes for School Valentine’s Parties
1. What did the paper say to the pencil?
You have a real point!
2. What did one heart say to another?
I’m really drawn to you!
3. Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Because it couldn’t find a date!
4. What do you call a candy that’s on a diet?
A sweet-tart!
5. How did the grape ask the raisin to be its Valentine?
I’m grape-ful for you!
6. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it felt crumby!
7. What did one cupcake say to the other?
You’re so sweet, I could frost you!
8. What did the strawberry say to the banana?
You make my heart split!
9. How do you get a tissue to dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
10. What’s a ghost’s favorite part of a relationship?
Boo-nding time!
11. Why did the grape stop rolling down the hill?
It ran out of juice!
12. What did the cake say to the frosting?
I knead you!
13. How do flowers greet each other?
With a vase full of love!
14. Why did the bread break up with the butter?
Because it found someone who spreads more joy!
15. What do you call a romantic cheese?
A cute-bert!
16. Why did the donut go to school?
To get a little glaze of knowledge!
17. How do you express love to a vegetable?
You tell them they are un-beet-able!
18. What did the chef say to his partner?
You’re the thyme of my life!
19. Why did the chocolate kiss the peanut butter?
Because it was nutty for love!
20. What do you call a Valentine’s card that tells jokes?
A pun-ny card!
Heartwarming One-liners
1. What do you call a heart that’s always happy?
A heart-throb!
2. Why did the boy bring a ladder to his Valentine?
He wanted to take his love to new heights!
3. What did one heart say to the other at the dance?
You make my heart skip a beat!
4. Why did the couple go to the gym?
To work on their love handles!
5. What did the calculator say to its partner?
You can count on my love!
6. How do you know a romantic partner is a mathematician?
They know how to multiply love!
7. What did the heart say to the stars?
You light up my night!
8. Why do flowers always look forward to Valentine’s Day?
They’re blooming with love!
9. What did the hug say to the person?
I’m wrapping you in love!
10. How do you make an octopus blush?
You give it tentacles of affection!
11. What did one popcorn say to the other on Valentine’s Day?
We make a popping couple!
12. Why did the calendar apply for a Valentine’s Day job?
It wanted to mark special days!
13. What did the actress say to her Valentine?
You’re my leading star!
14. How do you tell a pirate is in love?
He’s got a heart of gold!
15. What’s a soldier’s favorite part of Valentine’s Day?
His “sweets” from home!
16. Why did the musician break up?
There was no harmony in their relationship!
17. What did the dream say to its Valentine?
You make me feel alive!
18. How do you turn a frown upside down?
Tickle it with a joke of love!
19. What do you call a bear with a sweet tooth?
A love bear!
20. What did the cloud say to his Valentine?
You make my heart rain with happiness!